My husband is cheating on me – what should I do? The idea that your husband may be having an affair can be devastating to think about… But there are steps you can take to make sure that you come out of the situation safe, secure, and in a good position to move forward.

In this article, we’ll discuss the signs of a cheating husband, what to do immediately after finding out or confirming his infidelity, and what you can do legally to protect yourself.

What to Do When Husband Cheats

The first two obstacles in navigating infidelity are confirming your suspicions and controlling your reaction. “Follow your gut” and allow yourself to be more perceptive to any of your husband’s behavioral changes.

You also have to be emotionally ready to face that reality so you can react appropriately. The sections below will go over both points: signs of a cheating husband and what to do when your husband cheats.

What Are the Signs of a Cheating Husband?

Even if it started with a gut feeling, you’ll usually notice changes in your spouse’s behavior. Here are a few common red flags or signs of a cheating husband:

  • They are putting more effort into their appearance.
  • They are suddenly working late or are busy more often.
  • You feel changes in your physical and/or emotional intimacy.
  • They are suddenly secretive about their phone or computer.
  • Their spending patterns have changed.

Once you notice these changes, verify that the affair is indeed happening by catching your husband in the act (without revealing yourself or your knowledge of the affair).

However, we don’t advise you to screenshot text messages or do anything that compromises your husband’s privacy, as it can be used against you. We talk more about this later in the article.

What to Do When You Find Out Your Husband is Cheating

Confirming the infidelity can often hit you with a second wave of intense emotion. But this is the part where you have to take action. Here’s what to do when you find out your husband is cheating (in 5 steps):

  1. Do not confront him (yet)! Confronting your husband before you’re ready (especially in the heat of the moment) will only put you at a disadvantage. It may also compromise your safety – if he can lie to you about an affair, he likely did not represent himself honestly during the rest of your marriage. According to The National Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence Survey, 1 in 4 women – or 24.3% – aged 18 or older in the US have suffered severe physical violence by an intimate partner. If think you’re in danger, call 1-800-799-SAFE (it’s free and confidential).
  2. Consider getting a therapist for yourself. Infidelity is emotionally distressing, and you need a solid support system to help you think clearly.
  3. Take care of yourself. Try to eat well and get enough sleep. Don’t allow your husband’s infidelity to derail your health. Check-in with close friends and family. You need to gather enough strength to follow through with whatever decision you make down the line.
  4. Consider your options. Take stock of your goals, finances, and living situation, and figure out the resources you need to move forward. For example, you may qualify for temporary government assistance (like TANF or SNAP) after divorce if your husband was the family’s sole provider. And while infidelity is not technically considered “abuse” by the law, some women’s shelters may provide you with other resources and referrals to help you get back on your feet.
  5. Make a plan. Gather your resources and talk to close friends and family about how they can help you deal with the aftermath. Your allies might be able to help with getting work, finding a place to live, or simply watching your kids (if you have any) while you’re attending to legal matters.

If My Husband is Cheating, What Should I Do Legally?

Once you’ve made the decision to pursue legal action (or you’re simply considering your options), here’s what you can do to improve your chances for a favorable outcome:

  1. Gather court-admissible evidence of the affair. This is the most important step for improving your odds if you decide to separate down the line. You can’t obtain text message records without a warrant, so you’ll need photos of his infidelity happening in public (we can help you with that!). Even if you don’t decide to take legal action, we’ve had many clients report that having conclusive evidence helped them regain some feeling of control and obtain closure.
  2. Keep a decent amount of cash on you as the court may freeze your bank accounts during a divorce investigation. Your individual bank account may also come under scrutiny during an investigation.
  3. Once you have evidence of your husband’s infidelity, talk to your lawyer.


While you can’t change your husband’s infidelity, you can control the outcome. Act quickly and quietly and gather your resources, your allies, and your lawyer! And if you need help with gathering evidence, consider hiring us.

Privacon Investigations is a full-service private investigation agency based in Western New York. We’ve (sadly) handled many infidelity investigations in our many years of service. We can help you swiftly and covertly determine and gather evidence of infidelity. You’ll be assigned a female investigator specifically for this type of case. If you’re interested in learning more, check out our Infidelity Investigations page.